i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
