I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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