I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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