I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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