Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
