Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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