my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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