Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
