Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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