Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
