I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
