Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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