my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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