We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
