I showed him my bush... on skype.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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