I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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