FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
