She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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