I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
