Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
