I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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