Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
