What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my liver is dry heaving
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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