he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
