hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
