i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
