how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
