Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
