You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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