just tell him i said nine months
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
