I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
