well most of my day revolves around power hour
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
