I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Farmville is her only friend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
