Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
