i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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