no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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