i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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