I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
