i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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