a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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