let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
soo... how was my night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize