Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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