apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
