That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
