Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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