I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
