This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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