didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
