i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
