Define "chronic" masturbator.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everclear isn't food dammit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
