there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
