Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
