you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
