He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
