I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
