A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
