How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
