WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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