Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
