I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
