I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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