This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
