and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
