Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
