you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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