I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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