1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
