i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
