Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
