He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize