i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
