After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
