wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize