There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
