just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
