that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
