"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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