Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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