I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
