It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
