They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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