i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
