I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just pee around me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
