the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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