If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
