whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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