he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
