I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
