i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
