I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
