He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
